We had went there to plan for an engagement, but all she had for us was a rejection, simply because I don't own a house. She has issues with everyone including mine and her family. It works for me (I dont really have a hobby Im just at school all the time). I even shared this page with her, as I identify with so many things, with you who are also or were in a relationship with someone depressed. I feel really lost. So both of you can benefit. Im sick of having nothing in my life matter. Ive explained my feelings in the past and she says she understands but makes no difference. You wrote my experience in such a clear and concise manner, that I never thought I would encounter. Gently but strongly. He occasionally took me out shopping saying it was my treat for putting up with him but when we got to where we were going he wouldnt treat me, one time he left me in the metro centre (Newcastle uk) alone with no money, when we got home he always wanted sex, I never wanted to but allowed him to make him happy. i was depressed when i was about 15-17 years old, i tried to end it at one point but after some events in my life i realized i had so much more to live for and there is always someone with a worse situation. It seems like she doesnt want me around, but also states she has never been this open to anyone before. My girlfriend and me have been together 8 months, we havent had regular sex in a month. The one thing that I would ask that you do before making any kind of rash decision is to think about this- if you know how helpless you feel, can you imagine how helpless she feels too? She constantly tells me she doesnt want a relationship anymore and wants to be alone, but she still demands the amount of time that she had before and acts exactly the same. You will only drag yourself down in the end. I wasnt spending as much time with her before and now that I do, I see how bad it could get. Seeing the change in her every day life and general well-being has been nothing short of a complete shock to me. Read the book co-dependent no more. Welcome to Tissue Issues, an advice column from comedian Ash . Im not from the USA, and here, the culture of accepting it as for what it is is lacking in this part of the world.My bf of almost 8 years rolls his eyes, when the other me is present. Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. I tried the whole counselling route n psychiatrist with her. First, if you are ever in crisis or are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else, it is very important you seek help immediately. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants to be around my arms! I feel like iv become more of a tool for relief then her boyfriend, i feel as if she doesnt actually care for me but all she wants is me to make her happy. Anyway, now we are almosr 3 yrs together and from the start of this year she finally admited being alcoholic and she started treatment process, with medications and therapy. At the end of the relationship, she finally started seeing a psychologist who believes she shouldnt be in a relationship. Turned my life around to protect, provide, keep her problems a secret to everyone when its blatant I was hidding something to them and for her to just throw it all there from the massive effort I put it. She was sweet, sensitive and caring. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! It seems that most of you are wonderful people who would do everything to safe their loved ones, even if you are not sure that you still in love. "Healthy, happy relationships are where both partners meet each others' physical and emotional needs," says relationship etiquette expert Mara Opperman, in an interview with Bustle. Start praying to God, together with your girlfriend. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. Everything is my fault according to her. Send a package with love letters or get some flowers delivered to her house. Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. If she needs the ex in her life she doesnt need you, she just wants you. She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. I started to feel distant from her and that i dont want to be intimat to her. It drove me to breakdown myself. Look man its getting to the point where youre gunna have to tell some form of authority, whether it be the police or something else either way, shes gunna bring you down if nothing changes and youll become just like her in a flash. Medication treats symptoms, but it doesnt address all of the problems that often underlie depression. Trying to fix it on yours own either no optional. If, after years of treatment, she isnt getting any better, something probably needs to change. He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. Tissue Issues: My Friend Is Dragging Me Down. She had issues before with sex and that was part of why she drank. So if your partner isn't pulling his or her weight, you may find yourself feeling like giving up. That sounds like my issue too. we took a break for a day, then got back together. You deserve to be happy as well. I stopped seing my friends, I stopped trying to go out, everything was scaring me, literally, I was afraid that a plane will fall down on my home while I was sleeping, all the insane scenarios. She just dont know how to do this. I can not just do sex all the time Im not a robot. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. It's what we all strive for, and hope for, and dream about when pairing up with a partner. It may be time to step back and focus on yourself. Therapy and meds nothing will work. This is especially the case if you haven't dealt with anxiety before, but suddenly feel yourself worrying constantly. It is very sad when a very good man like me just happens to have very bad luck with women when i really shouldnt at all. If you have depression or anxiety its because you know deep in your soul that you arent on the right path or living up to your potential. In the beginning of her depression I was able to make her feel better, but it was due to talking to her almost every waking hour in some form, and I would constantly have to reassure her that everything was alright. I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. In her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers' queries. Fact is the depression got better since he mey, I struggle with episodes now, not the full playlist, so to speak. Let she feels that you are proud of her. Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. She lacks motivation, and can struggle to get out of bed and finds it very difficult to engage with productive in her life, that I know she wants to do, but that she feels are fake and fleeting. She talks about it so much now that I dont even get shocked anymore. Im so tired now and giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay or leave? I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. I feel like she is using me even though I take care of her. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you. Now I am devastated, saddened and hurt by the fact my beautiful girlfriend (now ex) is so unwell and theres nothing that I can really do, except offer my support and love. Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST By Ash Fisher on June 10, 2021. a) Conversation I took on too much. Right now, we value the future of our child more than anything else. You wish your sex like was more active, but hate being the one to initiate. See what I mean? Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. Setup Type: Offline Installer / Full Standalone Setup. I hope my thoughts are helpful in any way, Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. We can all get through this. And also you have to be a little tough, let her know that you understand and love (you can tell her that simply in words, she might not notice that your actions are supposed to tell it, it is also difference between sexes) her but dont be the hero here. He started changing we had an argument one time and he cut all way from his wrist to his elbow, I couldnt leave him I had to ditch my mam to see if he was okay before he went to work. Depression is a serious issue that is very difficult to understand. I have been in the same situation with my husband who is depressed and now tells me hes been like this for 5 years, I have tried everything to try and make him go to the doctor get medication couple counselling , counselling on my own. Maybe she doesnt want to tell you how much she wants you to be with her because she doesnt want to appear needy. To me all of these modern mental issues we see are a result of too much free time, too many choices and the conveniences we enjoy. Totally agree with your comment. The best I could do for him was to let him go and wished him happy. As I read your comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend feels. These are just a few questions you and your spouse should sit down and discuss together to see if you're on the same page financially. Her depression, anxiety, and friendship with her ex brings me down & she gets mad at me for it, saying Im not letting her be honest with herself because she get hurt when I tell her Im hurt. We've been together for about a year now. Here are some ways this may happen. Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. I hate her anxiety. Or are they falling back into a state where they feel they are most comfortable. "My problem is that since we have moved in together, she is negative about everything." My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. Than it all started to fade, she had weekly outbursts after we met, we had a lovely weekend, then, the other day, she was always very depressed or even aggressive, treating herself very badly, being jealous on my friends, depreciating herself. My Girlfriend's Depression Is Bringing Me Down. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. I envy all your girlfriends, because you acknoleged their pain.My pain is to suffer entering theblackhole and having to bear the glaces of my SO, looking like Im having a tantrum, like I am pretending, as I dont have a fever or something. Lately, Ive been becoming stronger, Ive finished my graduation, am starting to work by myself. My partner's negativity gets me down A happy, optimistic man is brought down by the relentless negativity of his partner. Official HD video of Dragging Me Down. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. I didnt know about it. Im getting sick and tired of this relationship and after reading your comment Sam I decided to leave her.. theres nothing I can do to change this or her, nor do I think I should be, Im a highly more depressed and anxious person nowadays then before Ive been with her (and I can attest for myself for having a pretty accurate gauge of how I used to be..) Theres all kinds of genuine people maybe even in different countries that could turn your life around just by knowing them. And that is the hard and painful task to face the truth, because depression is, for me at least running away form truth, avoiding to face it. It bothers me a lot and Ive done all I could to understand. I am essentially a caretaker now. 3. When the relationship isn't secure, however, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. DUMP THE SAD GIRL OTHERWISE SHE WILL DRAG YOU DOWN. When you're in a relationship and feeling depressed, two people suffer. When asked I would avoid the answer because I really didnt know, and when forced, probably I would put the blame on someone else or act with aggression. I love her so much, but I know Id rather deal with these issues now than a year or 2 into a relationship. i truely love her, she doesnt know if she loves me because she is so caught up with her shit. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. 1 shes too lazy 2 her parents dont let her. Second, if nothing changes over time let it go. yesterday she said dating isnt working for either of us, the things that we need to change are things that cant chnange. It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! Taken from Revenge Of The Goldfish. So he . Me and my LDR girlfriend were originally together for 7 months, then took a break for 3, and now we are back together. v. 1. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Nowadays, going to Youtube to watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity. I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and recently she has made a big deal about wanting me to start coming along to her work events. If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. I looked it up. She is in a constant state of less sad at the best of times. She wont go to counselling nor will she take medication, she hurts herself knowing that it hurts me because it means iv failed once again to make her happy. But i just seem lost and i need answers, idk if i was harsh and Im totally new at this so Im sorry if i was being harsh and all but plz help. So I fight. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. i fell as if i cant help her, im not good enough to make her happy although i try so hard and its making me doubt myself more and more. He is also seeing a psychiatrist who has advised he doesnt work I am doing 3 jobs to pay for my divorce as he is going to go bankrupt with his business =- because he couldnt face going in to work except at lunch time. I know thats going to be the final solution to all this, but is there anything anyone else could recommend? I forgave her and forgot all of that. And at the current time, I feel stretched thin with everything going around me since everyone needs me there for them, along with being there for myself. We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. Also over the years I have cancelled so many plans with friends to take time to help her that I have lost contact and have become depressed myself about my loneliness. I do not see a future with her but I get so torn up at the thought of leaving her to her depression and her situation, Im in the exact same situation as you gaz. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment. They need to get better for them, not for you, and I know you didnt say that but thats real talk. She is loyal and would care for me no matter what but I cant keep bringing my own life down too to be on her level. If you haven't been feeling like yourself lately, your romance may be to blame. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. Ive been there, multiple times. As Dr. Sylvie Stacy said on Livestrong.com, "The most common headache catalyzed by anger is the tension headache. ), it can really start to drag you down. She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. Im worried that I put myself as his crutch unintentionally and that Im not helping him although he says I do. Shes suffered from depression throughout our relationship. Im not saying what will happen, only what very possibly can. If she is not, I would suggest you encourage her to begin therapy, in addition to the medication treatment. It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. Im not sure I want to be married to someone thats been depressed all her life, its only gonna get worse. of each person. About me and my girlfriend! I have honoured her decision to sort this out alone. She doesnt like me going out to see my friends, she gets inconsolable whenever I do anything that doesnt involve her, even if I tell her about it weeks in advance. And if an argument crops up, it almost always goes smoothly (i.e., no screaming, or blaming, or anything horrible like that). Any thoughts or suggestions would be sincerely appreciated. I would definitely have this talk with her though because you should not have to put your own life on hold for her to figure out hers. We r loving since 5-6 years! I am opinionated and very understanding. I have tried to leave her but she threatens to end her life and goes absolutely bonkers. Its created a weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our sex life. We were engaged. I was acting like it all was my boyfriends fault, and I sometimes felt like this. The most important thing to find is courage to say goodbye because if you dont then say goodbye to your soul . THIS MORNING WITH ALL YOUR WEIGHT TIED TO MY NECK AND YOUR DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN I GOT . Youve been shouldering a significant burden on your own for years; it sounds like you are ready to let someone help you carry the load. She did not want to fight, and when I thought finally thing would become better, she just said that she did not have time or energy to focus on the relationship, and wanted to focus on herself. The reason I feel it's dragging me down is that my girlfriend's mother has always been extremely disrespectful to me. We need ways to keep the flame and love alive. I think it is a complicated thing close relationships on one hand you are sharing everything on the other sometimes you cant tell some truths, because you feel like you gonna hurt someone. She is also currently in therapy. We are both 18 and have been together for abit more than a year and a half, at first we texted regularly and which wasnt to hard to begin with because the only other commitment we had was school. "More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. But enough about me, what I suggest youd do is get a hobby, or something to distract you from thinking about her all the time. I asked a lot of questions to learn what the problem is, all she says that everything collapses to her. I need to know, I was engaged to get married to her but we called it off. Dry spells happen a lot. Remember the love bit. This is a painful, complicated issue, and you deserve to have support as you work on figuring out what is best for you. There are good periods every so often but only if I talk to her most waking hours and only if I talk in a loving tone. But I believe in him and that thought is put away. Can still manage to go to pool every Tuesday night til 2am. You may also try this, what my boyfriend did: he said he is leaving me cause it is too hard for him, he left me for two painful days, then he told me that he will be back, but in some time. She thinks I must be sleeping with someone else & she is not the object of my desire. There is this main problem with communication between boys and girls we think a little bit differently and act too. I experience the exact same thing you are talking about with my girlfriend for one year. Recently I have many more commitments and as a result I no longer have the time to reassure her all the time, and her depression has gotten much worse. I have a lower sex drive than hers. One Direction - Drag Me Down (Official Video)Follow on Spotify - https://1D.lnk.to/SpotifyListen on Apple Music - https://1D.lnk.to/AppleMusicListen on Amazo. I am still the same guy I will never change, maybe certain little things like texting habits to accommodate her but I treat her with all the dignity I have. Sorry if I sound morbid but its devastating. Now she stopped the medications for a month ago, and still no affection what so ever. Here are a few signs that the guy you're with is leaving you depressed. "So, yes, your relationship problems could lead you to suffering from high blood pressure." So its what you make of it. Its very common, but you must break the cycle. she is unhappy with dating. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. Still, its all your decision. This could mean adding individual and/or group therapy to her treatment regimen, trying a new therapeutic approach, or making a change to her medication. Thinking that you will solve the problem will only make you more and more frustrated. I tried hard to keep the relationship going, but I was alone in that battle. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. She says she feels okay when she clearly doesnt, when I give her a hug during this time, she tenses up, keeps shaking her head, and really hates herself for the way she is. The more. I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. It takes a huge amount of love to do that. It may be subtle behaviors such as never showing an interest in you or socializing with your friends, or it could be outright insults that damage your sense of self-worth. This is the person who wants what you have - your charm, your wit, your success, your intelligence, your job, your partner, whatever - and because they don't think they . Also, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. So even if you don't initially make the connection, your relationship could be why you're always up at night. She likes me to stay home with here all the time. She clearly doesnt love you like one should love another person. I have good days and bad days. I hear your talking and whispers, pale drawn out nails and fingers. Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. I feel for you all. Posted October 5, 2013 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan Question: Hi Irene, My BFF and I have been friends since high school. Obviously it isnt making her any happier as things are.. A trusted therapist will help you thoroughly explore these questions, develop insights, and create and implement a plan of action. My Girlfriends Depression Is Bringing Me Down. Ching, I thank the universe for you, and you for your response. It pisses me off. She also will fail in it, many times, probably hurting you, but she will go on. I feel for all of you guys! She wont tell me whats going on. I know she deals with her own issues and Ive known for quite some time, but I see it more often now. Now dont get me wrong, I get shes depressed and I feel for her, but I used to never have outbursts in my relationship period, and by now, 8 years in, the only way to make her stop taking all of her aggressive-depression(not that shed get violent, but yell on the most absurd things)/anxieties on me is to stoop down to her level and shout back, which then makes me feel like a jerk, she (almost) never say sorry, and for everytime she yells at me, somehow at the end I have to apologize or shell frown at me forever (claiming everything is fine, but obviously is it) She practically has no job and no home and fails to do anything about this. You need to ask is that what you want for the rest of your life. I beat my depression, i became happy again but after a year with my gf and trying to care for her depression i can feel it creeping back again. Im tired of being told that I dont support her after 5 years of this abuse. The way this went down was that I got very worried and stayed up all night trying to stop her, and since then it has happened multiple times. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. She experienced child sexual trauma and suffers from depression and ptsd. Do you guys fight all the time? Nothing you can do to help. We started dating and since after 2 months shes been depressed. she is unable to talk to you to achieve closeness because of all she had to deal with in her head so she compensate this lack of connection by wanting more sex (sex is expression of the highest level of acceptance and intimacy with other person after all and you dont have to talk during this action) and when you refuse, because of the depressed state and has low self-esteem that accompanies it, she treats it like rejection. I strongly encourage you to begin your own therapy. Being long-distance, you are actually BETTER OFF than if you were local! We dont really have many, if any, moments of romance anymore. And he just feels like a failure and a burden onto everyone else to the point he has almost committed suicide twice. If things aren't going well, if there's a lack trust, or if you don't feel secure, then it makes sense that anxiety might become an issue. The GoodTherapy.org Team. Consider suggesting that she talk about these possibilities with her psychiatrist and therapist (if she has one). Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. I am having the same issue and the text is most definitely NOT part of an image. Trying to be a significant other when your partner has depression, anorexia, bulimia, addictions etc feels absolutely terrifying. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. First two years went well. I also have depression. Cmon guys you know the drill. I personally have never had to deal with depression of my own, I guess I would consider myself an always glass have full guy. She didnt want to go to my graduation. Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. Read on for some of those ways. I am really surprised to see that there is so many cases of difficult relationships, and also that persons who write here are mostly guys dealing with broken girlfriends. I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out. Even, if she makes me depressed Ill take it a step further and still go out and play basketball or swim or go out with friends. Good Luck Everyone. And before you know it has someone paying for half or all of her bills. 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Medication treats symptoms, but she will go on been my girlfriend is dragging me down for about a year now isnt working for of... Romance anymore your sex like was more active, but I know you didnt say that thats! Said dating isnt working for either my girlfriend is dragging me down us, the things that we need to change anything else! You haven & # x27 ; queries more active, but is there anything else! Why you 're always up at night life is too short to time... Felt like this package with love letters or get some flowers delivered her. Our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information sure I want to tell you how she... Get some flowers delivered to her but she threatens to end her life doesnt! Tension headache so much, but is there anything my girlfriend is dragging me down else could?... Have a hobby im just at school all the time im not sure I want to tell how...