Thats when something as simple as an argument or a flirting text message from another man or woman can sway them to seek a different, more emotional romantic opportunity. She totally destroyed my reputation. Mostly when the kids were not around (hers with her former husband, ours with my parents). After three months of pregnancy, she stopped working, but she did not start doing any of the home chores. I suggest that all readers pay it the attention it deserves acknowledgement of a public journal entry thats one persons unresearched, unsupported opinion. I know this sounds ridiculous, but lots of people (not just borderline) think they need extremely low points in a relationship to appreciate the highs. If you continue trying, she might push you beyond what you can handle and it will all go downhill. From that point she just started to do whatever she wanted. Want to stay up to date with the latest on mental health? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Your ex may have a mental illness, but the illness isnt the only stimulant that caused the breakup. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Is it a competition to see who can take the low blow first, are there really peoole like this who think of themselves as nornal? We were married and had kids together. Also mine ex has no family - children were always and additional "not being alone" substitute. How are you for family? How Do You Know When Your Relationship Is Really Over? I deserved my ghosting almost two years ago because I had no business being in a relationship with a married woman and who is also a Borderline. After I came back, it was hell broke loose. She went ballistic because she saw that I messaged a girl while I was in Thailand who happened to be a sex worker. This, of course, is not true for mental illnesses that occur during the relationship. This website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks. One of the subtypes, the quiet borderline, is hard to identify because the signs and symptoms arent always apparent. Here Are My Suggestions. I have seen a lot of good men in that situation, they suffer, but win in the end. She needs to be capable of taking care of her emotions by herself before she can be in a healthy relationship. Do you have a relationship filled with love and hate, where you want to leave, but then cannot imagine being without that person? Love is almost useless, love cant help when theres loss of trust, no respect, and communication breakdown. If you are thinking about starting a relationship with someone who suffers from BPD, there are a few ways to tell. This relationship destroyed me so much that I almost had myself admitted to a clinic. If you have BPD, then please do not take what is written here to heart. One day we were drinking in my place and she went thru my phone after I passed out. Im not condoning my ex-wifes behavior and believe people need to be held accountable for their actions. It's so easy to use age against you, even though they often act less mature. I know she won't make it, she is not able to create a healthy relationship nor work properly at work. You have to prove her wrong. Why would.ypu want to hang out with those people??? How she found child porn on his laptop, how he forced her to fulfill his sick sexual needs. When their partner stirs up underlying feelings, their partner is blamed for how they feel, becoming all bad. you say they listen to emotions rather than thought, but the thoughts (mostly intrusive) are as much a problem as emotions. I started to develop some sort of depression. Things had been pretty rocky between us and some of our friends knew about it. It will get better! Were there many instances where your ex was overly emotional, self-destructive, abusive, judgmental, and demanding? Here are a few tips on what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship. Your exs relationship mentality, thinking patterns, and perceptions also caused the breakup as they precipitated a strong emotional reaction in your ex and caused detachment. She will thank you in the long run. Very quickly she he became obsessed with me - she would wait near the subway each day for me to come, she texted me all the time, we went to a couple of lunches together. When you said that she called you pussy for not standing up for yourself I can totally relate, most guys I have been with have just accepted all the bad things I do and I hate it, I want them to get angry with me and tell me when I am being wrong even if I argue back I respect them more if they stand up for themselves so don't give into her when she begins to brag about all the people she has been with and tell her that you have female friends and they will remain your friends and she will just have to accept that, has she met your female friends? After struggling to save our marriage, I realized that my wife suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Then poof! People like this are similar to adrenaline junkies because they compulsively seek highly emotional situations. Additionally, they threatened me that I pretty boy like my will have a very hard time at prison, that the Lanzarote prison is the hardest in all Spain (all the ETA terrorist and drug trafficers sit there) and I will for sure wont make it. Just put your attention on the things that give meaning to your life and stay as busy as you can for a while. She started sending hundreds of text how she loved me, she was sorry. Holy shit.you weren't joking when you said it gets worse !!! That she was stressed and had to have a break. BPD splitting destroys relationships because the behaviour can be impulsive or reckless in order to alleviate the pain, often hurting loved ones in the process. To my demise. Weve created a quick list for you of symptoms that may indicate someone has BPD. We can be there for them and support them as they put in the hard work to save themselves. And I did, because of my son. This is exactly the reason the BPD splitting destroys relationships. That she was stressed and had to have a break. Former model, really beautiful girl. One moment they feel good and the next they feel low. But you can change your life! But they only think that way because theyre dependent on their ex and have a difficult time letting go of a person who push-pulled them throughout the relationship. Make of it what you will, but until you have references to prove what you are saying, it is an opinionated blog entry, nothing more. They are very black or white people, which is why relationships with them can often feel extremely rewarding one moment and toxic the next. After one of the company parties, I had to transport my drunk friend to my apartment and she started calling me franticly to come to her place. You cant rationalize with a irrational person. There is almost no possible way to get out of this without a sentence. I guess its more about having people to hang out with rather than the people themselves. If you have BPD Making it work Outlook Symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) can cause constant changes in emotions. They do this because they wish to be one step ahead of their partners. My therapist said that my ex maybe had BPD. He played with me. I dont know where you got that Zan was telling people not to love people with BPD, all it was said is for Us (people who have been with a BPS partner) is to take care of ourselves. If my friends would all be telling me that whatever my partner is doing is wrong, I would have serious doubts as well. For me, that was it. GF: "Well, Thailand.. Ive ben watching a documentrie everyday on BPD just to try and drum the info into my head. If they feel loved by their partner, they give all of their attention to their partner and love-bomb their partner. Everywhere I wanted, wherever I wanted, however I wanted. This is not only about your pwBPD. What can you do after Valentines Day to make your sweetheart happy? they gain a lack of empathy and what i like to call bitch boss identity, that wants to hurt the person that upset them. And there is a 24h court that will assess your position. This often leads to impulsive actions such as spending too much money or having unsafe sex. I learnt a lot in the process of detaching, but also hurt badly. These behaviors, all of which I do by the way, are almost knee jerk reactions. Just like the domestic violence situation. This is indeed a common problem. Always. But generally speaking, the nicer you express yourself, the higher the chances that your ex wont react negatively. We still had a lot of sex, though significantly less as at the beginning of the relationship. So if youre wondering what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, the first thing you need to do is to stop blaming the illness for the breakup. But if you can extend empathy toward her, it will make healing much easier for both of you. Most people with BPD dont hog all the power on purpose. I was attracted to my wife for several reasons. The person with BPD who splits kills their relationship by blaming loved ones and accusing them of things they have not even done. She made a mother of all mayhems. Remember you cant reason with a unreasonable person. You dont know Zan or his credentials either and not every psychiatrist/psychologist have the same opinions as you. This is indeed a common problem. I completely agree with this comment. One moment they feel good and the next they feel low. Write CSS OR LESS and hit save. Often, the feelings are disproportionate to the actual situation. He writes that people with mental illness should not get involved in romantic relationships until they have become healthy. Stay strong and know yourselves and your truth (and find some help if youre really struggling). Now, the reason I messaged this girl was because part of what I wanted to do to change my life was organize events which requires connecting with people. They do it because they have poor impulse control, because they lack understanding of themselves, and most importantly because they fear abandonment and losing authority (which they interpret as significance). And kissed her, then kissed me. After that she was raised by her grandma which died after 3 years, (cancer) later on by her uncle who died after another 3 years (drunk himself to death) and finally by an aunt that abused her. Of course she stayed till the end of the vacation (I had to move out with police from the hotel). You can email the site owner to let them know you were blocked. He was 18 years older than me and also very clingy and tried to get me to cut off my friends and had trust issues. Before I get into those, let me say that a persons mental health should never be used as an excuse for anything theyve done. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? Everything else was your exs responsibility and completely out of your control. Your IP: They tend to fear abandonment or conversely, fear commitment, which makes it difficult for them to have stable long-term relationships. I myself have followed you for several years, and you have been a great help in my own breakup. She got angry with me because I wouldn't come meet her after work for some food, I said she could just come over to mine so I could continue my work in the house after she left. My parents are together for nearly 35 years and I was raised in a way, that ideally you should have one partner whole life, be faithful, compromise for the children etc. That evening she didnt love me anymore and now Im hated. But I was in love. Being late triggers past wounds of feeling unwanted, which becomes so overwhelming that they need to be projected outside of themselves. 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